When the earthquake hit, I was getting ready to make lunch I think, and Rosie was taking a nap with the dogs. My immediate thought was that something had crashed into the house, or that for whatever reason the house was collapsing. Rosie woke up of course, and we proceeded to freak out at each other, during which I said that I thought we were supposed to get into a doorway or something; unfortunately for me, the doorway right next to where I was standing had some pens, pencils and markers perched on the ledge for a white board in the kitchen, and these started falling down around me like hailstones...
It was all over in about a minute, but the shaking feeling in my bones lasted for much of the rest of the day as we both frantically tried to reach loved ones and found our cell phones to be useless, then tried to find the news station on the tv to figure out exactly what was happening. The biggest earthquake to hit Virginia in over a century, and I can't help but think that maybe I will never live in a place where events like this are commonplace (Sorry, California).
Classes were canceled for the evening at most of the area schools, including the one night class I'm taking with my sister and which I'd been looking forward to for days. We didn't find out about the school closing until about a minute before we ran out the door to head to class, so I was a bit miffed at the late notice and loss of activity. Add to that the email I received the day before which told me, after two weeks of waiting, that the job I'd been promised had actually been given to somebody else and they're so sorry and I was crushed... and you might see why I've been feeling a bit out of sorts since then.
I'm glad to be here with my sister, spending some quality time and getting to relax, watch tv, soak in the hot tub and hang out with the dogs who are really quite sweet. However, my feelings of failure and uselessness came to a head when I went to fill up my empty gas tank and spent the last ten bucks out of my bank account. That's when I switched into crisis mode, and I have yet to figure out how to get out of it. I feel a strange combination of restlessness and lethargy that has me alternately napping, overeating, playing stupid games on my iPhone and trying to search for more job applications, in addition to stopping by home to visit my parents and check the damage from the earthquake. It's been a little surreal, but I'm trying like hell to shake myself out of this strange inactive cycle and into one that includes job interviews and exercise and not feeling so sorry for myself. I've been drinking much more than usual, and not eating very healthily either (in the aftermath of the earthquake I think Rosie and I ate most of a box of chocolate chip cookies).
Not sure why I'm writing all this except I felt too restless to do much of anything else. I need to get off here and back to the applications, except that my resume is on MY computer and I'm looking at job listings here on Rosie's laptop so it doesn't really help unless I go home where I can complete an application online. I've got to find something soon, or I'm liable to go crazy with guilt and self-hatred because I've been out of work for 5 weeks, home for 4 and am now totally broke, and in absence of motivational energy I'm now running on sheer desperation. Please, somebody just give me a decent job so I can feel like less of a waste of space and burden on my family and friends!!
I kind of hope nobody reads this, because it's pathetic. Hopefully soon I'll have something better to write about, but for now I'd better shut up and go do something useful.
~me
